I have quite a few parenting blogs in my feeds. Mostly, they’re against shouting and I understand why. But I read one this morning and it’s all ‘guilt yourself up’, ‘understand why you shout’ and how not to. This is sage advice I suppose, but it irritates me.
I am human. I shout. I lose my temper. I get frustrated. And so do my kids. Just like every other human on earth.
Obviously, I would love to be a perfect earth mother that stops, breathes, reasons, empathises and reflects with her completely unreasonable pre-schooler every time there’s a tantrum or refusal to do the stuff we need to do. But sometimes we’ve just got to get to the school bus NOW!.
So, I do shout occasionally. (Ahem). It’s normal. Humans have emotions and it’s healthy for kids to know that we’re all emotional beings. That it’s not just them who struggle to manage their frustrations.
I’m not talking about in-your-face screaming and would like not to lose my temper so much (mostly because it makes me feel crap). But I’m also not going to take on that particular plate of guilt.
I’m a middling-to-good mum and my kids are pretty wonderful. We communicate well and don’t fight over the stuff that doesn’t matter. The kids are emotionally literate and none of us are robots.
We all understand that tiredness, stress (and for me my periods) can make us extra grumpy and that’s when we need to take extra care of each other and ourselves.
We talk about our emotions and the times when we fail to manage them well, (which everyone in the family does from time to time). We try to learn from meltdowns. We discuss better strategies for when we’re tired and know how to apologise with meaning and value.
I also cry occasionally, hug, laugh and snuggle with my kids. They are learning to be mindful people and don’t need to think I’m some kind of Zen Master. Better for them to know that we all have good and bad days and that sometimes you just have to just crack-on and pull up the welly-boots (we’ll brush teeth at the bus stop).